...waiting for you

moved

2008-07-12T18:52:00.003+08:00

I will no longer be using this blog. I will personally inform you my new blog link. Sorry.

final goodbye

2008-07-12T13:22:00.003+08:00

No puedo creer que me dejaste todo solo. ¿Cómo podrías? Me dejaste sin la sensación de tu presencia, de tu abrazo pasado, y de oír tu voz. Me lastima realmente, yo no siente mi corazón más. I feel so numb. Siento tan entumecido como si mi corazón acababa de parar la derrota. Siento tan solo sin ti. Siento así que perdido. Iría algo con ti que dejando mi vida sola. Dondequiera que ahora estés, recordar, te amo tanto.

STRESSED

2008-07-10T22:18:00.009+08:00

I am so fucking stressed and now I feel like asking Meow2 for a 1 week cool off.

Emotional weakness. Anger. Loneliness. Study stressed.

Good evening to you all. My life is still the same boring tale. Today I dragged myself to the bus stop and was feeling so effing tired that I really really want to lay down on the floor and sleep. I reached school on time and MISS HO came to me to ruin more my morning. Seriously, she is bloody irritating, I can't take her. Seriously, I'd rather be in 3n3 or 3n4 than sitting inside the class of morons (3n1) with an annoying teacher who can't keep her mouth shut. I don't have the pride of being a student of 3N1 dammit.

After lunch, we had a POA test and I found that Julian and I got the exact answer. Thank goodness. Then Chemistry was the next period. What did I do in Chem? I drew eyes on my cute pink pen and I named it "Mamu".

Names suggestions:
# Nur Mamu Binte Grace - Yu Xian's
# Mamu Singh Suveer - Nizam's

Okay, such a lousy name. I wonder how on earth did Suveer's name came into Nizam's mind.

After ALSP, I went for my 1 hour fun detention from Mr Anwar with Wahyuni and Kai Jie. It was quite fun though. (: Mr Anwar asked me to copy all the Section B and C of that bloody holiday homework and what I did was, I just copied the questions since I had no idea how to answer those questions.

He released me at 5pm and went home with a guy who IRRITATED me more. That childish guy named Suveer. =.= Childish guy...

That's all, good night.

*Thanks to Julian for letting me copy his answers in Physics quiz. We got perfect scores! (:

badbadbad.

2008-07-06T13:33:00.003+08:00

Conjeturo que que juega a alguien no es ese malo.
Don't you think so?

fuck friendster

2008-07-05T01:18:00.008+08:00

MY MOOD WAS TOTALLY FUCKED UP! Why? Because someone hacked my friendster account and posted a very shocking shout out saying:

"HI ANI 1 OUT THERE;; ADD MI U OK.. I LOVE HAVING SEX WITH BOYS WITH BIG COCKS.. DON BE SHY TRY MI UP.. FUCK MI UP N DOWN.. MEOW.."

This really shocked me! First of all, it sounds so sluttish as if I am so desperate for SEX. For goodness sake! Secondly, I didn't give my password to anyone except for someone whom I trusted the most - Meow Meow. And I have not logged in since last two days. Lastly, I would never ever post a shout out like that!

My friends are now thinking I did really post it! Ah!

Now that they think of me as a lady who is so sexually promiscuous just because of that shout out which I didn't really post, I don't think I can still have back their good impression on me.

Whoever posted it, I will never forgive you, bear that in your mind.

I know how it feels like.

2008-06-29T15:58:00.006+08:00

I was finding a gift for Meow's birthday at some site that provides FREE shipping (I sound so cheap skate) and I came across at this blog that sells cakes & cupcakes and I fall in love with this adorable colorful cake! Gonna buy this on my 17th birthday! Haha.

Anyway, Gerarrd Carin, ahora entender por favor nuestra situación. You're not the only one who's hurt. Te estoy dando hora de aceptarlo todo. Please accept my apology. And good luck to your college entrance exams this month.

glutton = ?

2008-06-26T05:33:00.003+08:00

Met Meow Meow's mates yesterday. Haha. FUN. ((; His little bro's laughter drives me MAD.

Reached home at 6:36 pm and saw Glam's Ruffles chips in my study table. So what do you think a glutton will do next? EAT of course! Haha. I stuff some in my mouth and Glam was in shocked saying "Cockroach went inside that chip bag you know!" and I was "WTF?!" and spit it out.

-__- That was really gross, I know. NEXT TIME, PLEASE THROW DIRTY FOODS BEFORE SOMEONE CAN EAT IT. Ah!

No puedo creer que he compartido el alimento con una cucaracha. Haha! But thank goodness, I ate the chips not the COCKROACH, bloody hell!

P/S: Ms Ho, the married pig, is back! And her new name is MRS LOUIS or LEWIS, something like that. Ah, I don't give a fuck. I prefer to call her 'HO'. And I wonder when will she have a baby. Her husband is too old to make a baby. His sperm duct is already dried out.

school.

2008-06-25T05:50:00.004+08:00

Good morning! (:

Happy belated 17th birthday to the racist biatch - Nathalie.

School was totally boring yesterday and last two days. We have new Maths, PE and English teacher and it's like YAY, AWWW and NOO!. Why? Firstly, I prefer Mr Ong to be my teacher in E. Maths. Secondly, Mrs Ho replaced Mr Tay. YAY! Thirdly, Mr Azhar became our new PE teacher instead of Mr Foo. OH MY GOD!? Surely every lesson must do hundreds of jumping jacks. -___- I heard he's very strict like fuck. Now must bring PE uniform every Thursday. *snorts*

Anyway, I hate that Malay guy who showered me glitters during recess yesterday and he gave me a fucking excuse saying, "Oh, sorry, was happy i jump jump around! Sorry." and I gave him a fucking hard stare and asked him to remove it. He looked scared his girlfriend might see him doing it. I blocked him and asked him to remove it and he did. Hahaha! I walked away as soon as he finished removing it. Immature freakos. I know him actually. He's Arvin's (my ex) friend. Wohoho. And his current girlfriend liked my ex before but too bad, he was mine that time. =P

circumcision.

2008-06-19T19:15:00.003+08:00

Oh my god! This is really gross. I was watching this with my fingers covering my eyes. For those uncircumcised guys, you're lucky you don't have to undergo through this process. But as far as we believe, guys who are uncircumcised are unclean. No offence.

And this is funny! ((x

POOL & MEOW MEOW

2008-06-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

I was amazed by his tricks. (: Although I actually don't play pool as much as I play snooker. Pool is boring.

This amazed me the most. I can't believe someone can do such tricks.

Enjoy watching.

P/S:
I'm still disappointed with MEOW MEOW with his harsh words. I hate it.

Well, who the fuck on earth finds his bloody well-said phrase funny? "Use your brain". Huh?

Use my brain? So, he's telling me I have no brain. Yes, right. I HAVE NO BRAIN! I can't think of anything good. HAPPY? Sorry, I'm not as intelligent as you all.

Yes! Yes! I may not be as clever as you but can't you stop saying that phrase for fuck's sake? Dammit. It's not as funny as you think.

BABY PINK

2008-06-15T01:58:00.008+08:00

Lovely dress!
Don't you think so?

Went shopping yesterday at Sengkang before doing my work. A cute baby pink pencil case caught my eye and yeah, I decided to buy it since it's so bloody cheap. But there's one problem with it. It's a barbie brand! Well, I don't really care as long it's colour is baby pink. (:

Went to Aljunied to clean up my room and I've noticed that I have a lot of cute baby pink clothes and I've never wear before, not even once. That's me - buying the things I like and ended up rotting it somewhere.

What else? Oh. Yeah. Meow Meow and I had a fucking irritating misunderstanding. Don't ask me why because it's all my fault. My attitude problem and childishness are getting too much for him to bear with. Right, meow-meow? Sorry.

It's a frog baby. Please do not be scared.

Scariest. But I pity the baby.

P/S:

I won't be going online later because I have to study Level H and K of Kumon Maths and have a good rest. Monday or Thursday I have to do an achievement test at either Siglap Center or Parkway Parade.

sisters

2008-06-14T00:42:00.002+08:00

Glam and Jace.

Oh my god. I looked like a shit in this shot. Glam looked younger than me with her new haircut.

headless cow and chicken.

2008-06-13T03:24:00.005+08:00

Poor cow.

Have you heard the story of "Mike, the headless chicken"?

For those people who are eager to know what happened to Mike, the fucking headless bloody chicken, well, I'll tell you then.

Mike is a wyandotte rooster Mr Lloyd Olsen owned. Lloyd knew his Mother in Law would be dining with them and would savor the neck. He positioned his ax precisely, estimating just the right tolerances, to leave a generous neck bone. A skillful blow was executed and the chicken staggered around like most freshly terminated poultry.

Then the determined bird shook off the traumatic event and never looked back. Mike (it is unclear when the famous rooster took on the name) returned to his job of being a chicken. He pecked for food and preened his feathers just like the rest of his barnyard buddies. Amazing, isn't?

When Olsen found Mike the next morning, sleeping with his head under his wing, he decided that if Mike had that much will to live, he would figure out a way to feed and water him. With an eyedropper Mike was given grain and water. Imagine that?! Olsen realized Mike was becoming special. A week into Mike's new life Olsen packed him up and took him 250 miles to the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. The skeptical scientists were eager to answer all the questions regarding Mike's amazing ability to survive with no head. It was determined that ax blade had missed the jugular vein and a clot had prevented Mike from bleeding to death. Although most of his head was in a jar, most of his brain stem and one ear was left on his body. Since most of a chicken's reflex actions are controlled by the brain stem Mike was able to remain quite healthy. AMAZING, right? This chicken was so blessed. Haha!

In the 18 Months that Mike lived as "The headless Wonder Chicken" he grew from a mere 2 1/2 lbs. to nearly 8 lbs. Some longtime Fruita residents, gathered at the Monument Cafe for coffee, also remember Mike - "he was a big fat chicken who didn't know he didn't have a head" - "he seemed as happy as any other chicken." Mike's excellent state of health made it difficult for animal-rights activists to garner much of a following. Even now the town of Fruita celebrates Mike's impressive will to live, not the nature of his handicap. Miracle Mike took on a manager, and with the Olsens in tow, set out on a national tour. Curious sideshow patrons in New York , Atlantic City , Los Angeles , and San Diego lined up to pay 25 cents to see Mike. The "Wonder Chicken" was valued at $10,000.00 and insured for the same. His fame and fortune would earn him recognition in Life and Time Magazines. It goes without saying there was a Guinness World Record in all this. While returning from one of these road trips the Olsens stopped at a motel in the Arizona desert. In the middle of the night Mike began to choke. Unable to find the eyedropper used to clear Mike's open esophagus Miracle Mike passed on. Poor him.

Now, Mike's spirit is celebrated the third weekend in May.

Who the fuck will celebrate a chicken day, anyway?

Let's forget those two headless animals.

Hmm, I think, my wish, my prayers and my dream will never come true. God knows. But now it is obviously won't happen anymore. It will never ever happen again. He did leave me hanging like a thread. But it's alright, as long as he is happy. I'll be happy to see a smile on his face though it kills my heart.

I'll end it here then. Everything has ended up and I have to accept it.

Goodnight.

(:

2008-06-11T20:32:00.006+08:00

Alright, it wasn't that as easy as I thought!!

*Learning in progress*

My saliva seem to be stuck in my mouth.

Met Meow Meow today.
He still look like a cat.
His smell is making me
sleepy.

And I love his childish mood!

fuck you all.

2008-06-10T16:18:00.012+08:00

I HAVE TO PRACTICE COOKING BEFORE I BECOME A useless MOTHER.

Sorry I deleted my previous post. I have to. I don't know. I just felt like I need to delete it for fuck's sake.

Sorry Mommy Jem about my post earlier. I was just angry like FUCK with those hypocrites who are trying to use you and talk behind your back.

Like this Fucker #1:

Fucker 1: Oh, Jem your friend ah?

Me: Yes, why?

Fucker 1: Oh. You like her?

Me: Ya, why?

Fucker 1: Oohh. She's like very emo leh. Last year everytime emo emo emo.

Me: ? *getting pissed*

Fucker 1: Why Filipinos are all like emo? Some act emo only, cut themselves everyday. Just like *****. Like they have nothing to do in their life. Then they show off the scars to everyone so people will call them "emo".

Me: How about YOU?! Think you're so bloody hot?! Jesus. Rebonded hair? Make ups? Fake brown eyes? I despise you. You put heavy make up also no change. *was seriously pissed off*

Fucker 1: I didn't know you're like that, grace. You think you're so attractive ah? Hahahaxx

Me: Was that you who kept asking me what's my secret for keeping my hair straight? I should ask you back the same question then.

Fucker #1: *typing*

Me: Ah, fuck you, vagina-head.

Well, FUCK THIS FUCKING SQUAW NAMED *******. Oh, should I tell your nicest secret? Hmm, don't worry, I won't tell everyone that you had sex with your fucking ugly boyfriend for... urm, countless times? Oh god, I'm sure you have a nice loose vagina, yeah?

a nice gift

2008-06-08T01:29:00.003+08:00

Siento así que bendije tener un mejor amigo como él. It sometimes make me ponder why God gave me such a nice gift. For what purposes and why. Prometo, yo lo guardaré como cómo guardo mi vida.

perfume advertising

2008-06-03T19:27:00.011+08:00

Chatted with him earlier and I cant believe all the things he told me. I feel a sudden pain while reading it. I don't know. I wish what Farhana told me will be true...someday. )=

11:19pm.

Okay, I'm feeling quite fine now. Time for me to advertise Bench/.

Baby Bench Bubble Gum (Hello Kitty) and Bench/ perfumes.
Only $5 (small) or $10+ (large) at Orchard Bench outlet. CHEAP!

Meow Meow said hes not going to accompany me home if I didn't use Baby Bench bubble gum cologne. Fine then, I will ALWAYS use STRAWBERRY SHAKE.

Bvlgari. I only used this when there's a party/meeting to attend to.

Only $120-180+.

I looked like some kind of perfume advertiser. =.= Well, I am. Since every girls and even guys I knew likes baby bench colonia a lot and nobody knew where on earth is Bench/ outlet, all they can do is to contact me and I will buy it for them.

PS: Baby Bench bubblegum looked like this:

But if you want hello kitty container, go and find it by yourself.

Herbench/ Daffodils Fields
And try this if you want bees and butterflies follow you everywhere, seriously.

2:59AM

Good morning to you all! I can't sleep...for some reason.

And DON'T YOU EARLY RISERS DARE TO GIVE ME A FUCKING WAKE-UP CALL or SMS! I WILL REALLY RIP OFF YOUR FUCKING FACE AND YOUR BLOODY BOUNCY BUTT!

Anyway, I was finding a cool haircut at yahoo by typing "cool hairstyles" and suddenly, i found this:

And I was like, "Ok, wow. Really NICE!"

WHO THE FUCK WILL HAVE THIS BLOODY STYLE!? For fuck's sake. I think this suits best to Herman who is very conscious with his sizzling hot hairstyle. Don't worry Herman, you still got fringe when you cut your hair like this. See. ^^

Secondly, I searched for punk hairstyle since I want some kinda unique hairstyles and this what yahoo gave me!

FUNNY IS IT?! THIS IS SO EFFING UGLY! Too ugly for me to explain how ugly it is.

And lastly, before I eventually gave up searching for cool and unique styles, I tried to look for an emo style and again, this what yahoo gave me.

They gave me a damn picture of an EMO POTATO! Somehow, he looked like S***** or Gums. Herman knows who Gums is. He's a Republic Poly fat student who was somehow, trying to be an emo. He even desperately straighten his curly hair just to have an effing long fringe enough to cover his eye and even started dressing like emo who used to wear a bright plain yellow shirt and a bloody London hat. What a desperate pig! Right, emomon?

Last thing to share.

I'll be moving to Aljunied Crescent this month and I hate it. I already fall in love with Serangoon Central but I can't do anything. )=

Aljunied Crescent is like a shit dude. And when going to school, Suveer will be the first to take bus 43 because I'll be taking either bus 13 or 43 from Victoria School. SHIT SHIT SHIT. I can't believe I will live in such place full of prostitutes!

Okay, it's now 3:42am. I HAVE TO SLEEP NOW. Goodnight. I'll wish upon the stars, that someday, he will come back to me.

2008-06-03T00:08:00.015+08:00

It's really addictive to share my thoughts to people who bothers to read my blog. Well, yeah. It's now 12:16 am and I can't sleep for some reason.

Reason #1: Meow Meow is now adhering in my mind. I just can't stop thinking of him. And his kisses are just simply sweet.

Reason #2: I'm quite agitated over shallow things that nobody will be excited for. I'll be moving to a new Kumon Centre. I'll be soon in Serangoon Gardens and not Hougang-Serangoon anymore. Ok, too shallow. I KNOW.

Reason #3: I have this insomnia and other diseases that I've been always suffering from.

Reason #4: I fucking miss all my friends excluding my so-called childhood best friend.

Reason #5: I'm problematic. I'm having some countless damn-to-hell burdens..

(Have to delete Jake's picture due to his "anger")

Woot! It's now 2:06am.
Before I sleep, let's talk about "good boyfriends or good couples".

Well, boyfriends aren't just guys who provide you pleasures such as kisses and hugs, not just guys who send you home or treat you in a nice way and shower you with so much so-called love.

For me, a good boyfriend is someone who is very loyal to me and who know me deep inside and out. Someone who shares his whole life with me. And, I like them to introduce me to his parents. Why? Because through his parents, I'll know who really he is. Probably my friends who are at the same age as me would tell me, "Meet his parents? Seow, ah? ". But it's the best when you know that his parents are in good terms with you and have a good relationship too. It's best when you and your boyfriend are just like engaged couples. Treat him/her as your fiance/fiancee. I hate guys who are hiding the damn fact from their unaware parents that they have a bloody girlfriend or his parents are against me. WALAO!

Example of a good couple: Khris and Glam (my older sis)

His and my parents are fine with them being together and I can see their relationship is very strong although they are fighting over things everyday and eventually reconcile.

I wish you guys are educated enough to see the difference of love and infatuation.

Ok, I'm fucking sleepy now. Goodnight to you all. Oops, it's now morning.

P/S: I miss my meow meow.

12:58pm

I just wake up due to an annoying wake-up call from someone. I know it's already late for me to be still sleeping but don't ever call me "lazy girl" for waking up late, ass. I just simply slept LATE. A normal person must get an 8-hour of sleep. Which part don't you understand? Huh, you-brainless-rotten-ignoramus-asshole!? And, I'm not an early cook-a-doodle-doo riser like Meow Meow, okay?

Caller: Hey! I need your help! Still sleeping uh?
Me: Ya, you ass. What do you want?
Caller: Nah, just sleep, you lazy bum. Nobody wanna talk to me. Fine.
Me: Fuck you. *Hang down*

Hope you all know how fucking ANNOYING it is to be shaken awake or call you to wake up when you don't have enough of fucking sleep!

Up to the sky

2008-06-02T14:51:00.004+08:00

World's Highest Bungee Jump at Tsitsikamma.

(Bloukrans Bridge, South Africa)

216 metres.

China is making its world highest commercial bungee at 233 metres or 760ft.

My dream is just to be launched downwards to a dazzling height of 216m just like the picture shows. But it will be nicer if its skywards just like G-Max at Clarke Quay but it's only 60m.

It's sad when all my friends don't dare to try G-Max at Clarke Quay. )=

pictures

2008-06-01T23:15:00.011+08:00

My scar because of Meow Meow's heavy back. =.=

The most fugliest face goes to me!!

This was taken quite long time ago.

*After school, talking on the phone*
And I have unique yellow and white bedroom lights. (x

Taken by Gabbie while chatting with Suveer and Nizam.

I realized, gigantic pens are not that bad to use.
Eating pineapple fried rice while doing my works.

I heart Meow Meow so much. Don't ask me who because you'll never know.

The label says so.

Gabbie - crying.

Saw my little bro Zhi Han's pic at Nigel's blog.
My little cute brother's 15th birthday!
Mommy Jem's heart will surely melt when she see this.

Daddy Nick and Bro Zhi Han playing.
Isn't sweet, Mommy Jem?

meow meow

2008-06-01T17:22:00.004+08:00

I really really hate it when I am still sleeping comfortably and suddenly, received messages that will totally wake me up. I do really get this awful mood. Just like what Meow Meow did this morning. He sent me messages and even asked me to go online. Goddammit. Mood-spoiler. Uh! It's so fucking annoying that I can't describe how annoying it was.

Sorry, my meow-meow is an early cook-a-doodle-dooo rooster and I am not.

At 1pm, we met at my place and yeah, was happy to see him. Kissed him twice.

What else? Hhmm, Clown said he hates me. FINE then. I don't think he meant it. I've been hearing it for thousand times and my ears are already used to it.

2008-05-31T15:15:00.005+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, HERMAN!
Stay hot always, emomon.

...and Alesana CD haven't released yet. )=

2008-05-31T00:51:00.003+08:00

Meow Meow sms-ed on my other number and it really pissed me off because my parents believed that Ms Ho was right - that I did nothing in school but to grab a boyfriend as if I am in Singapore great sale. Grab before someone can get it.

Damn it! I really can't sleep because of this.

2008-05-30T01:50:00.011+08:00

****** who has the face of a rotten asshole thinks he's so fucking oh-so-hot looking guy that every girl will chase after him.

My god, for goodness sake.

CLUE: He's an N-level student,
and he got this so-called a very best religion of all.

And I'm so dumb for not noticing girls nowadays have unique tastes for guys too. They now prefer guys with an asshole look plus a bullshit attitude just like him. Wow, isn't amazing, huh?

2008-05-27T19:19:00.003+08:00

Yummy or Yucky?

According to the test I've taken,
Missionary is the best position for me because I probably know what works best for me.

2008-05-26T01:35:00.006+08:00

Oh my god. How could I be so idiot for forgetting my little brother's birthday?

Happy Belated 15th birthday, Zhi Han!

It's now 1:41 am and I've done changing my blog's skin.

I can't sleep. I feel sorry for my meow meow. We had a fucking sad quarrel just now because of my endless annoying expressions which actually irritated him and I wasn't really in my fucking mood. I'm such a dumbass, man.

Sorry, cat.

Anyway, tonight will be my class bbq party. I don't bother to go. The reason? Seeing my teachers' face is not part of my June Holiday plan. Unless, that bbq party would provide free flow of alcohol WITHOUT sighting a single teacher then I can guarantee that the party would be 99.9% fun. Correct? And it would be more amusing if the bonding is in a chalet, not an outside smokey bbq pit. Anyway, why do I care so much?

*** 4:55pm ***

I'm back.

My two besties (Meow-meow and Clown) gave me a call few minutes ago asking me to go to the chalet. It's irritating when a lot of people are asking you persistently to go somewhere or do something you don't want. }:/ And it was so obvious that Clown was enticing me. Ok, enough. I really feel like skinning them alive and roll them with salts! Bwaha, im evil!

## People I miss dearly,

1. Airielle
* I do really miss this war freak girl. It's been three years, I guess, since I last saw her.

2. Eri Kurosawa
* Currently in Japan and 2005 was the last time I saw her. Damn freaking long.

3. Mhel and his motorbike.
* Actually, I only miss his motorbike. Ok, take it easy Mhel.

4. Ensaymada (with lots of whip cream)
* It's a bread, not a human, sorry.

5. Mommy Jem
* who is now in the Philippines enjoying her holidays. ): Imy.

6. Daddy Nick
* who eat stiffed nipples. Bastard, don't think literally.

7. My cute little brother Zhi Han
* Happy 15th birthday.

8. Meow Meow
* Even though I'm angry at him now, I still miss this cat.

9. Clown
* Ha-ha-ha. Laugh laugh.

10. House Parties in Philippines
* with lots and lots of alcohol.

11. Car and Motorbike racing in Philippines
* This is what I'm really craving for. Gonna race with Sam soon!

a stalker. a goodbye.

2008-05-24T20:45:00.007+08:00

(p.s: the video is in Spanish)

One maniac man had been stalking me for an hour. Well, yea, when I was walking to the bus stop near my house to take bus 43 to Parkway Parade, he was already ogling at me. I was quite puzzled why that fucking man have to ogle to a girl who look so unattractive. I didn't even wear revealing clothes. When I board in the bus, he sat beside me and squeezed me until I reached the bus stop where Suveer usually takes bus to school. I feel uneasy and mind you, I bear it for thirty minutes! And if you're a girl, I wish you know the feeling when a man who have a scary look kept staring at you closely. That's what I felt. So yeah, from Suveer's bus stop, I crossed the bridge and took bus 76 and so did he. I even purposely walked behind the blocks to check whether he's really following me. His eyes was sticking on me until I reached PP. Lucky when I went down, Herman was already there waiting for me. Phew!

When I reached home, the same thing happened again. I always get beaten by my sister. I mean, yeah, what the hell is her problem?! Can't she just leave me alone? She's adding my problems. I want to runaway from this kind of life. I really can't hold on. I'm sick and tired of this sucky life. I really feel like getting a sharper razor and cut my wrist and veins. Well, I'll really do it if I can't bear this anymore. Don't waste your time stopping me from doing it, because I will really do what I want. You can think of me as an idiot, I don't care. And if I killed myself, Glam would be happier she finally get rid of her sister. She can finally live happier with my parents. You all will be happier too, right? Don't say no because telling a lie is bad. And don't think I want to kill myself just because of my sister who abuse me. It's not only that.

All problems have it's own solution. And it will be best if just kill myself.

Don't laugh, I'm not joking. Find me funny? Fine then. Feeling happy I will be gone soon? I'm happy for you too.

2008-05-23T22:44:00.004+08:00

She's just another useless friend.

Sorry if I'm always sulky. Sorry if I got an attitude problem. Sorry if I'm being sucky to you all. Sorry if I'm not good enough to be your fucking friend. HAPPY?

No sé qué tienen I hecho a ti. Apesadumbrado para cualquier error lo hice. Aunque me culpes siempre por todas las cosas que no hice, O todavía te trata como mi mejor amigo. Realicé, él era apenas una ilusión. Apesadumbrado para todos los errores que he hecho. I miss you. Sorry if I always hurt your feelings. I didn't mean it.

LALA

2008-05-21T11:00:00.006+08:00

I was rummaging when I surprisingly found this masterpiece of mine. I can't remember when did I paint this. Last year, I suppose.

And I found this too. Confessions of GENEVA. I wrote this two years ago. Look at the date below. It's September 09, 2006.

Picture taken today. Ugly, I know. (:

I'm copying ****** 's duck-like mouth.

Last photo taken today. I look super ugly in here. Hoho. My panda eyes are getting bigger.

My best friends during my Senior High School days (2004). I miss you all.

Jaicelle and Charm during Senior Prom Night.

Jaicelle and Eri Kurosawa.
私はのパンダ逃す.
Niju-ni (:
Thanks for teaching me Japanese. (:

:::After the HS graduation:::
(L-R): Nicole, Charm, Alyssa, Jaicelle and I don't know who the hell are the other two.

Graduation day is the day I'm looking forward to.

But my parents dragged me here in Singapore so I didn't able to graduate High School with them. Moving here in Singapore is just another nightmare. Please fly me back to my hometown!

FGM.

2008-05-19T15:32:00.009+08:00

Female Genitla Cutting.
*This woman shows one of her tools to cut the clitoris.

Have anyone heard of FGM before? Well, I oppose this violence and today I'll be opening this matter to debate.

In Africa, mainly Senegal and Cameroon, FGM is practised.

FGM is Female Genitla Mutilation. It is the practice of cutting off the outer skin of a female's vagina & clitoris. The person who carries out the procedure is commonly a village woman and the patients are young girls who are forced to undergo through this and girls who have yet to reach puberty.

*This is the complete tools used for FGM. Imagine the pain African girls have to bear.*

The practitioners claim that it is to keep the girl 'clean'. Not only that, they claim that the clitoris, which is an undeveloped penis, will make the girl more sexually aggressive as well as increase sexual desire and pleasure, so FGM will stop this from happening.

And practitioners claim that people opposing FGM are racist who wish to impose their 'superior' values on Africans and erode their culture.

What do you think this is?

Secondly, one of my friend asked me,
"Is circumcision in girls required by Islamic and Christianity Law?"

Damn.

Let me enlighten you...

Addressing circumcision, it is quite different for males and females in Islam. Why?

Firstly, for the male, the foreskin is sliced off the penis. I believe, and as far as I have read, does NOT affect the male's performance or enjoyment of sex. Moreover, the reasoning behind it is "hygienic". They believe that circumcised males will be cleaner and therefore, more worthy to pray to God. And that is why they do it.

But for the female, such 'circumcision' is far more painful, and far more dangerous. Apart from cutting off the clitoris and surrounding areas, in some women, these parts are STITCHED together until marriage, to prevent her from having SEX. Not only does this terrible practise strip a woman of her right to enjoy a normal sex life, but it leaves her with the very real danger of monthly infection as there is no proper outlet for the blood to flow.

:::(after cutting the flesh and stitched):::

How do you think this is to you? Do you think this is right?

And, Female Genital Cutting predates Islam. FGM was already being practised by the lifetime of Prophet Muhammad but it is NOT commanded by the Qur'an and it is not practiced by the majority of Muslims. In fact, the traditional form of excision is a practice totally banned by Islam because of the compelling evidence of the extensive damage it causes to women's bodies and minds while Christians inherited FGM from Judaisms. FGC has never been part of Christianity as a faith system. There are no scriptural or doctrinal documents existing within the larger Christian tradition that even address the issue.

I pity those girls in Africa who need to undergo through a process of shitty circumcision. Practitioners do not even have the poor excuse to mutilate these young girls.

endless love

2008-05-19T02:30:00.003+08:00

ONE OF THE SWEETEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!

Better watch it, yea. LOL. This is really damn sweet and sad. I've cried while watching this. It's so touching. The movie title is Autumn in My Heart (Endless Love). The story is about, erm, let me summaries it for you. Hmm, Joon-suh and Eun-suh are raised as brothers and sisters for 14 years until it is discovered that Eun-suh was switched with Joon-suh's real sister (Shin-ae) at birth. Upon learning of the mixup, Joon-suh's family leaves for states, leaving Eun-suh in Korea with her real mother and cruel brother who abuse her. After 9 years, Joon-suh's family returns to Korea. Joon-suh and Eun-suh are eventually reunited, but only after Joon-suh becomes engaged to Yumi and Tae-suhk falls for Eun-suh. Trouble starts when Joon-suh and Eun-suh cannot avoid their true love for each other. (: This movie is damn sweet!

letting you go

2008-05-18T01:23:00.008+08:00

♥ Letting you go is not an easy task.

a broken heart never really heals.

( This song is especially for him )

I still can remember yesterday,
we were so in love in a special way.
And knowing that you loved me
made me feel oh so right.
But now I feel so lost, don't know what to do.
Each and every day I think of you.
Holding back the tears,
I'm trying with all my might.
Because you've gone and
left me standing all alone.
And I know I've got to face tomorrow on my own...
But baby...
Before I let you go
I want to say ,
I LOVE YOU.
I hope that you're listening
'cos it's true.
You'll be forever in my heart.

And I know that no one else will do.
So before I let you go, I want to say
I LOVE YOU...

I wish that it could be just like before
I know I could've given you so much more
Even though you know I'd given you all my love
I miss your smile,
I miss your kiss.
Each and every day I reminisce.
Cos baby it's you I always dreaming of.
Because you've gone and
left me standing all alone.
And I know I've got to face tomorrow
on my own...
But baby...
Before I let you go
I want to say ,
I LOVE YOU.
Letting you go is never easy.
But I love you so that's why
I set you free and I know,
someday, somehow,
I'll find a way to leave it all behind me.
Before I let you go I want to say
I LOVE YOU.

My love for him is already nothing but a rubbish.

A rubbish that has to be thrown, hoping someone would recycle and cherish it.

I'll be glad if I see him happy with someone else even though it kills my heart.

His happiness is better than my pain & tears.

I'll say this for the very last time:

♥ Thanks for all the memories. My mind wants to fight for you, but my heart is really tired with all the pain. I don't know what have I done to suffer like this. Maybe I am not meant to love. My life was once incomplete, and it somehow filled with happiness...when you become mine. Now that you're completely free, I wish you'll be happier when you find your love again. Before I will finally let you go, I want to say, I love you very much. I never regret loving you, Fairuz. You were a wonderful boyfriend. Goodbye my love, I'll miss you. Take care of yourself always and study hard.

I never stopped loving you. I just stopped showing it.

JEM house

2008-05-17T15:23:00.006+08:00

ALL ABOUT YESTERDAY:

( Mommy Jem & I )

Hello world! Yesterday morning I find myself very dumb. I walked to the bus stop earlier to catch the second bus 43, around 6:10m, I guess. So yea, when I was heading to the bus stop, I saw bus 43 coming and so I rushed and board and realized that I am in the first bus! So stupid.

Hmm, school wasn't that fun. Mr Loke and Mr Ong gave a very long speech and I'm sure students were already drooling and dreaming. Lucky I sat inside the PA room, woots! If not, I'll be sleeping and dreaming behind Nathalie. (She was sitting in front of me, my god!)

After their morning speech, Mr Loke called all the foreign student to stay back at the hall and GAVE ANOTHER FUCKING SPEECH! Man, he simply couldn't shut his mouth. And wow, Ms Lim is back! It's been a very long time since I last saw her. And her hair had changed too! It's no longer a "boys style" hair.

Er, yeah. After school, I went out with Samantha, Mommy Jem and Troy (beware of the satanic). We went to Tampines to eat lunch at food court and hey, the food is nice! It's only $3.80. Yeah! Cheap and nice. After that, we walked around and checked some nice gift for Zhi Han. His 15th birthday is coming! My little cute bro... Finally, Zhi Han called Mommy Jem "Mommy" and I'm sure Mommy Jem's heart melted when she heard Zhi Han called her like that. It's so cute and sweet. When we finally found a nice gift, we went to Toys R Us and made fun of Samantha and Troy. WOOT! *whistles*

Around 4pm (cant remember), went to Jem house. We played "Taboo" and erm, drank Remy Martins before leaving her house. Troy didn't even know what is a chaser for. -___- And I find him funny getting horny while reading that porno comics.

Me: *sitting*
Troy: *sitting beside me*
Troy: Grace... *in a whisper mode*
Me: Yeah?
Troy: I'm getting horny.
Me: O.o what?

Hha! Horny baboon! Lucky he didn't say it in orotund way or else, I'll be laughing out loud in front of him. -_- After that, I took bus 81 from Tampines JC and reached home at around 7:30pm.

Hais. Why do I still I go to the places we went before, hoping I would see him again? Places that holds the memories of me and him. Why? Why do I still feel the same way? I mean, why do I still feel the way I felt when he said "I love you"?

Bakit ko pa nrramdaman to? Bkt di ko xa mkalimutan?

bad day

2008-05-15T19:59:00.004+08:00

Wahh! I hate this day! Firstly, because my results for Mid-Yr turned very bad. Really bad. I don't think I can show it to my parents, i'm scared. Haha. Chicken. I'll ask my older sister to sign the report card for me instead. So yeah, if my End-Yr result happens to be low again and need to retain, I'll just drop school. Goodbye, secondary life. I'll take private O's instead or, just go to some private school and take the course I want.

PRIVATE SCHOOL = DUMB PEOPLE who can't go to government schools and I may be one of them soon. No more poly for me.

Second reason, I HATE THE FIRE DRILL, man! All the students were required to go down at the multi-purpose court for nothing after hearing that stupid alarm. Yeah, nothing baby! NOTHING! Argh. And we sat down under the hot sun as though we were inside the oven. WE WERE BURNING, man! I cried like an idiot and asked Keith to cover me from the sun. Luckily, he's a kind ass. (: Thank you, KEITH CHIA. Since you covered me up, I'll give you your crush's number. Fair? Hi5!

Hmm. That's the two reasons why my mood spoilt today. Irritating.

Chey! I realized I've been eating a lot when I'm stressed. I've consumed 2 bowls of noodles and 1 cup of melted ice cream and 3 sticks of orange crisp chocolate. Soon I'll be like Ms Ho.

CERTIFIED FAT BABE

(yeah baby!)

Hmm. Friends, readers, aliens, fishes, I want you to meet ( cannot see how to meet? ) my new bestfriend, Suveer. My 4th best friend and no one can replace him. I noticed I don't have a girl best friend. )=

2008-05-14T21:47:00.006+08:00

Hello world.

Happy birthday to my friend and my sister's first love, Micheal. (:

Classes today were damn boring, as usual, and glad to say there was no Ms Ho class. That pig. I've never seen her today except for flag raising, thank God. She thinks her body is so well-shaped to wear tight clothes. Damn it. And even told me that she's already losing weight. Ho-ho.

Brought wine today especially for Zhi Han.

Ms Ho: Zhi Han, you're drinking blood is it?
Zhi Han: No la, grape juice lar.
Me: *giggles*

Anyway, first class was English and I'm telling you, Mr Tay's ghost stories was totally lame I could yawn and almost fall sleep. Instead of listening to his boring "oh-so-creepy" stories, I opened my bag and ate chocolate bread and wine. I shared the drink with Zhi Han until he got high and his cheeks turned bright red. That's how beginners get high. I never thought wine can make someone dizzy. Ok, so yeah, while I was busy looking at the sky peacefully, I didn't know that Keith was busy too EATING MY FOOD! My reaction? This: ---> (-__0)

Second class was PE and I didn't bring PE shirt again. Don't expect me to bring it and run 4 rounds or whatsoever. I hate PE. Why? Because I hate getting sweat. Another reason is I hate the sun. Don't ask me why because my I'll only give you a stupid answer.

After 11am, Holly fetched me at my classroom to attend the INFOCOMM course and the animation course was somehow interesting yet I spent my time sketching some non-sense stuffs and reading books at one corner alone. I just love being alone when courses like that occurs and no mood to participate. (:

Went home at 2:21pm. Took bus 13 and 24. Damn tired and dropped myself dead on my bed. Saw Gabbie and she asked me to cook fried egg for her and so I did. Slept for two hours and waked up and thought it was already the next day. So stupid! -_____-

Turned on my computer and find Suveer online. Chatted with him.

Bad News for myself today: I failed A Maths. Okay, now, Daddy you can now take your cane out and beat your little children, Zhi Han & Geneva, on their butt.

Pienso... diré "yes" a alguien pronto. ¿Debo yo? Does someone wants to disagree?

Es preferible adorar a la persona que adora usted que adorando a la persona que no adora usted.

I'M NOW CRAVING FOR MARSHMALLOW! Damn it. (: Forgot to thank my two loving dude and dudette for surprising me with marshmallows. I love you dudes who gave me marshmallow & muffin last few days.

should I?

2008-05-13T19:26:00.006+08:00

Oh my, i've been posting so much in my blog. It's just so addictive, man! (: Anyway, I didn't go to school today because I woke up late. Around 11:30am, I guess. And i find myself so weird. Why? Because whenever I sleep early, I wake up very late and when I slept late, I'll wake up early. Weird right? Well, that's Geneva! (:

Hmm, I have to write in Spanish for now. I don't want other people to know what am I typing and I guess only Mommy Jem can understand this. So, yeah.

¿Lo debo aceptar yo? ¿Debo aceptar yo al tipo para quien yo no tengo los sentimientos, justo por olvidar el pasado? Yo tan soy confundido. Really... I'm so confused. What should I do now? Mommy Jem must help her baby girl when it comes to 'novios'. Right, mommy? Daddy should help me, too. Just like how I help Zhi Han with his ex.

I miss my baby brother. I miss you, Zhi Han!

Err, so yea, back to the topic in Spanish again. Ehm, si yo lo acepto que y lo utilizo como mi rebote, yo sólo lo duelo. El es agradable y amable pero, yo justo simplemente lo puedo aceptar. Worse is, he is my cousin.

ARGH! Help me, mommy JEM. Probably, you're the only one who can understand what on earth am I mumbling now.

Er. And another one is the thing I've received from Suveer. Woot. That one I have to use my brain. And I don't need help with it. Only myself can decide about it.

A maths exam

2008-05-12T15:40:00.003+08:00

Hello world!

Waa! I think I'll flunk my A Maths. The paper consists of 12 questions and I only can answer 9 questions. )= Haiss..

Saw Julian going down the stairs rushly.

Me: Julian! You think you can pass?
Julian: *Nods* Yeah, for sure.
Me: Hahas..
Julian: I think I'll get A1 or A2.
Me: Ohh. Wah. Hehe. Ok, bye then.
Julian: Bye. *walked away*
Me: *whispers* smart ass.... *pouts*

Woah! Julian is so confident of getting A1. That bloody smart cow...

Went to Aniel's house and had fun with Vandamme and Dan Vie. (:

To 090208

2008-05-12T00:46:00.005+08:00

Dear God,
..im wondering if you're listening.

It's already 1am and here I am again, feeling so lost. I miss him. Yes, I do. I miss Fairuz. It's really hard for me living without him. It's so pain knowing that we're not together anymore. The pain is so bad that I don't feel my heart anymore. But its okay, like I've told you and him, this pain & confusion is nothing compared to the love that I feel for him. My tears won't be worth if I didn't hurt for him.

Anyway, I've been reading his first letter over and over again each night before I sleep and I wonder what did he feel after reading my last letter. I guess he had already moved on.

I really can't move on. Why? Because my heart still beats for him.

From your weakest in love child,
GENEVA GRACE.

To Mommy & Daddy.

2008-05-11T19:50:00.004+08:00

I'm really pissed with that bloody oily bastard! My goodness! He told people I was the one who spread that bloody thing. What the hell! How could I spread something when the fact that I didn't even know what happened? Fuck that shit. He spoilt my reputation still can say that he wasn't the one? My blood really boils, man. His face is so thick to criticize and judge me. He thinks he's so hot. I'm telling you, he look like a SHIT. Again, he's a BULL'S SHIT! ¡Otra vez, yo repetiré, él se pareció a una mierda! Fucker! I feel like scrubbing his bloody shit face on cow's shit.

Somiglia a una merda del toro abbastanza per essere caldo. Il bellimbusto, non tenta di agire bello perché lei non sarà mai. Understand?

Sorry for speaking Italian. It's better for you not to understand. Peace. :D

Anyway, Mommy, please don't be sad. I've read your blog post and I can grasp your feelings. Mommy, Daddy feels sad too. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, anyway.

Daddy, please don't think negative. Mommy surely loves you so don't worry. Mommy will never ever leave you because she loves you. Daddy, don't feel lost. Your horny babies are still here. Anything, your daughter is here. If you need someone to talk to, your baby is here.

(: Daddy, Mommy, Zhi Han...

... I love you all.

Don't forget that. (:

Me: Bye.. Nites.
Nick: Dun pass A-Maths
Nick: Papa take cane out.

Papa gonna beat her daughter! Papa, i promise I will pass my A-maths. Zhi Han and I can do it. If not, you can beat your little kids on their butt.

2008-05-10T19:46:00.005+08:00

Dear God,

¿Por qué yo me siento una tristeza repentina? Yo me siento roto. Why? I'll tell you why...

Because the pain is so unbearable. It's been a month since we broke up. Why other girls can move on in just one snap and I can't? How can they forget their feelings in just weeks? Am I that dumb? Am I that stupid? Am I, huh? Dígame por favor por qué yo no lo puedo olvidarme. Su presencia todavía vive en mí. Why...

How does it feel like? It felt like my heart was stabbed by the sharpest thing on earth.

I can't take the pain anymore. I don't know what to do. Acabo de orar diario eso algún día, él volverá a mí.

From your weakest child,
GENEVA GRACE.

First family outing

2008-05-09T23:35:00.021+08:00

Taken before the 2.4km run at ECP.

Hello world!

Chemistry paper was super damn easy. I've done it in 20 minutes and spent my extra time looking blankly at my paper like a nerd.

Mr Leck's last day today and, yea, I'll miss him. The only teacher who has a very sick mind! Haha! (: Somehow, he rock!

Today was our first family outing with Mommy's newly adopted kid, San Sok San, from Cambodia. My adopted brother. Hmm, nah, i love my baby brother more. (: I love you, zhi zhi. :X

*Zhi Han wearing light blue. Daddy wearing white uniform*

So yea, went at White Sands Mall to buy something and at Tampines to eat at Seoul Garden. But too bad, My and Jem's pocket were empty so, we decided not to join them and just walk around wishing we could buy this and buy that. Suddenly, Kuya Rocky appeared. Woo! Just like a genie came out from nowhere. We then headed to Pizza Hut to eat lunch. (x His treat. Ordered 1 large cheesy lava, 6pcs of honey wings, 1 Ocean Plate. I noticed the garlic bread didn't come! That was unfair, dude.

*This is how I looked like when I'm bored. Kevin is the dog.*

Sorry Kevin. I can't help myself. Just accept what people think you of. *Winks!* Sorry ya, dude.

Anyway, just now we were super bad. Yeah, bad! Jem and I were totally broke, sad to say. And we don't have ez link money to take MRT to Tampines. So what we did next was, Zhi Han lent me his card and he was behind me when I tapped his. He pretended tapping his wallet. Haha. That was what Jem did, too. Tsk, bad kiddos. What can we do? Sit at one side with can on our hands and beg people for money? No way, dude. I'd rather walk from Pasir Ris to Tampines.

We managed to cheat, anyway. Are we good cheaters? Or it's just that the Passenger Service people were all stupid and blind?

Around 4:30pm, met Julian and Daddy Nick somewhere. (: I missed my uncle Julian! (: Unfortunately, we didn't have enough time to spend our time with my baby bro and uncle Julie and Uncle Jordy.

Went somewhere to confront someone. Oh girl, may I ask, why did you cry? =X I was just talking to you... in a nice way. The nicest way to teach you a lesson. Next time, if you don't want people to scold you, then shut your fucking big mouth. Control it, biatch.

I love you, Mommy Jem, I love you, Daddy Nick. I love you, baby bro Zhi Han. I love you adopted lil bro Sok San. I love you, Uncle Julian. I love you, Uncle Jordy. I love you, my doggie. Please don't anyhow poo. We have a nice proper toilet.

Anyway, I'll study hard for my A maths tomorrow. I will wake up around 5:45am. Early right? I know. Dumbass. I'm not in the mood to blog. And most of all, I have no mood to talk to anybody. Sorry.

PS:
I MISS YOU, ZHI HAN!
Your jie jie is missing you.

i miss you.

2008-05-09T06:01:00.007+08:00

I miss my hottest emomon dude,

Herman.

I miss my long lost best friend,

Eri Kurosawa.

Lastly, I miss ...

...Fairuz.

Today is the 9th. Supposed to be our 3rd month. It hurts waking up and knowing that we're not together anymore.

Tampines

2008-05-08T22:36:00.005+08:00

Boo!

School suck especially MISS HO. That bloody piggy oinky oink. Hmm, yea, today was the 3rd to the last paper - E. Maths. The Paper 2 was easier than paper 1. Weird.

Went out with Li Sin, Tracy and Hui Si to eat lunch at Tampines Century Square. Ordered Handmade Meatball Noodle. Not bad at all. On the way to bus interchange, heard someone screamed my name so loud. Guess who.

Julian & Yi Zhong.

these 2 guys rock, man

Anyway, wish me goodluck for my A Maths paper on Monday. If I failed, I'll kill myself. Haha. (x

I love you, mommy Jem. I love you, daddy Nick. I love you, bro Zhi Han. I love you, uncle Julian & Anil. I love my dog too - Kevin. Bought him from pet shop. Lovely. I hate you, Mr Back-B

soulmate

2008-05-07T17:34:00.002+08:00

Hello world! Today is 7th of May. Happy Birthday to all people who were born on 7th of May and condolence to all people who died on 7th of May.(: May your spirit rest in peace.

Again, nothing much happened today. POA test went fine and finished at 10:30am. So early. As soon as the test ended, I went to Com. Lab. 1 with Nizam and Suveer and become crazy. That Nizam have the talent to make me laugh out loud. He's my 2nd clown besides Zhi Han. (: So yeah, thanks to these two extremely funny guys for cheering me up!

My mommy Jem came to school today and my Daddy was angry with her this morning just because of a bottle of mineral water that Kwang Chung bought for mommy. THAT'S MY PARENTS, man! Daddy loves Mommy too much that even a bottle of water can caused a misunderstanding. Hahaha! (: I love you mommy, i love you daddy. And most of all, i love you, little brother Zhi Han. (: Oops, sorry I nearly forget. I love you, uncle Anil. I love you, uncle Julian.

I finally found my soulmate. A person i'm finding for 7 years. The one and only person who completed that 24 things. You probably won't know what the hell am I talking about now but I'm just telling you that I found my "soulmate". He's just a friend of mine whom I knew just weeks ago. It's strange how he got that 24 things when we only knew each other for weeks. Well, yeah, I don't care. It's just a soulmate. No big deal.

Exams

2008-05-06T21:22:00.004+08:00

Hello world!

It's been days since I last blogged. Well, erm, nothing much happened these past few weeks. Still the same routine. School, exam/study, go home. Mommy Jem didn't go to school because she's still sick. I'm sure Daddy Nick misses her. Mommu, your kids misses you too. (x

Drank wine (Jacob's Creek) this morning and afternoon with Zhi Han. My cute little brother. (:

Woah. Tomorrow will be POA paper and it's a 2-hour paper. Man, until now I still don't get the topic "Cash Book". It's confusing like hell. Good luck for all the 3n1 POA students including me. (x Hope no one fails.

Lastly, chatted with Fai yesterday night. Yea yea. I know what you're thinking. *sigh* All th0se rumours, they weren't true at all. I don't know who to believe. My ex who was saying the truth, or my friends who knew a lot? =.=" Nahh, i'm fine with what he have told me yesterday night...that I wasn't his rebound. I'm happy with that. AND, all I want now is him to study hard and take care of himself. (:

SATURDAY

2008-05-03T22:29:00.007+08:00

Hello Kitty dress! Haha. Well, I'll be more happy
if it's Lilo n Stitch. And look at my sister. She sleep like a corpse.

Me. Nothing to do.
This messy room is not mine ohkeys.

Hello world! (:

I supposed to go out with Jemimah, Nicklaus, Suveer and Zhi Han today at Changi Airport T3 to study but I couldn't make it because I'm sick and my xiao didi Zhi Han felt lazy. *pouts*

Oh, I would like to thank Mr BB for calling and spoiling my mood. For heaven's sake, when can he stop calling me? And... did I ever tell him that I need to know him first? Oh my god. Did I ever said it? I don't even like him. This is crazy, man! Argh! And as soon as I heard his voice, I felt like screaming and ask him to fuck off. His lucky I wasn't in the right mood to do it. Thinking about him makes me sick. (I'm already sick, anyway)

Spent my day laying on my bed, chatting with Suveer and Kevin ~~THE BULLDOG~~ and reading incoming messages from my hot dudie Herman who is so desperate to go to Penin. I feel sorry but I really cant because firstly I'm having a fever and Monday is my Geography exam. I haven't study a single thing yet. Oh my... I think I'll fail. *sobsob*

Hmm. Tengo ya movimiento en. Todas esas memorias no son nada pero una sandeces. BULLSHIT.

ccss

2008-05-02T19:37:00.007+08:00

FAMILY PHOTO (incomplete)
(Me, Mommy Jem & Daddy Nick)
My little bro, Zhi Han, is missing.

Sick. Sick. *sigh* I woke up today feeling so hot and tired. I took a warm bath and ate my breakfast. Before stepping out of my house, I put mascara and sprayed perfume. Well, that's my daily routine. I took bus 43 and realized I was sick and my temperature was so high you can cook an egg on my forehead. Ah, suck.

Saw Suveer again in the bus who offered Fisherman's Friend again. That minty sweet. It's not a sweet anymore. It's a chili, man. HAHA.
The moment I stepped into the school campus, my mood spoilt knowing that I'll be seeing his face again. I sat beside Zhi Han (lil bro), Julian (uncle) and behind was, as usual, ANIL! My new uncle! Whoo! (: Welcome to our family, dude.

So, yea. First period was English. I fall asleep thinking over him. I mean, thinking why was he ignoring me. I just can't understand my best friend. I don't know what on earth have I done wrong. Bestie, if you're reading this now, i'm sorry, really.

Came next was Maths. I looked at the empty chair next to me. Haish. ¿Por qué él no se sienta luego a mí? Yo lo pierdo...

SSR period, Faris approached me and asked me why I didn't reply all his messages. Couldn't he see I'm not in the good mood. I felt like slapping him, really. Instead, I gave him a fucked up stare and went inside the PA room and slept. Suck! Suck!

After SSR was MT. I tried to cheer up myself. Thanks to Nizam and the copycat Suveer. (: Nizam and I were bullying each other when I accidentally brushed my fingers on his teeth. Man, it's disgusting! I ran out and washed my hands and worst, there was no single drop of hand soap in the toilet. Damn it! What kind of toilet does CCSS have? The school is so poor they don't have enough money to buy hand soap. That's CHAI CHEE SECONDARY SCHOOL!

Talking about the school before its renovation, the building really looked like a chicken cage, seriously. So square and small. Now, they've tried their effort to make it looks nicer. It somehow improved. From a chicken cage, it's now a toilet. It's so white just like rest rooms. What I pity the most is the classrooms. Never in my life I've sitted in a DIRTY & DUSTY classroom.

CCSS = no hope.

After school, went to my place with Suveer and chitchat for hours. I told him my secret about the thingy with Bhavesh. Well, I do trust him.
6:00PM, I fetched Gabbie at Ruth's house and was damn tired when I reached home. Vomitted before I entred the house. Damn sick today.

My life suck.

2008-05-01T08:53:00.004+08:00

I woke up today at 7:00am. The first thing that came in my mind is all the memories of 090208. It felt like ... it was all just a dream. A dream where you want to go back again.

What I regret the most? I regret being such a stupid in a relationship.

... i want to forget it all.

HELLO WORLD! Today is the 1st day of May. Thirty more days to Herman's birthday and I still can't think any gift for him besides the Alesana CD which I can't find where on fuck it is. Hmm, any idea?

Oh yea, I want to thank one guy for helping me with my HTML. THANKS, ANIL! You rock, man! Without your help, this blog won't exist. :)

Anyway, today I didn't do much. Spent my time reading newspaper, chatting with Herman on msn and with Suveer on the phone and eating in the kitchen. Tomorrow is Friday. No test but normal lesson. Suck.

Tomorrow I'll be going out with Herman, babeh! Haha. I miss going out with that Emomon who claimed he's the hottest emo guy on msn. Ok. I'll just say yes. I do agree 99.9%. Why? Because he's the only emomon on my msn. And I agree 0.1% that he's hot. Ok. Sorry dude. Switch it. I agree 99.9% you're hot and 0.1% that you're the hottest on MY msn. And yea emomon, be strong! I hope you and your girlfriend will be okay soon. Just try to understand her. She might be carrying burdens or having problems. Who knows.

Moving on.

2008-04-30T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm thankful that God lend me a man who left me in pain and teaching me how to cope with a broken heart. I'm thankful God lend me that man. I'm now saying a goodbye to him. Before that, thanks for everything. Thanks for making me happy. Thanks for showing some care. Thanks for breaking my heart. Thanks for hurting me. Thanks for all those tears I've cried. Thanks for all that pain, all those pain you've caused that a woman could not take. Thanks for all. This is my last goodbye. I never regret loving you although I was just your rebound. Wherever you are now, I hope you're doing well. Take care of yourself and your new girl. It's my time for me to let you go just like what you did to me. Goodbye, Fairuz. Goodbye, 090208. I'll never forget you as my friend who broke my heart like this. Goodbye, my sweet heart-breaker.

Mid-Yr Exam

2008-04-30T16:42:00.000+08:00

Hello world! I woke up today at 4:30am and get ready for school. I walked to the bus stop at 6:10am and saw Suveer in the bus 43 who kept me awake and gave me that super minty sweet. Man, I was really sleepy this morning because I couldn't sleep last night. I'm suffering from insomnia, I guess. Or was it the old saying that "the reason why a person can't sleep at night is because someone is thinking about him/her." IF that's true, i'll kill whoever that person is.

Hmm, Mid-Yr exam had just started and our first paper was English. It wasn't that difficult unlike Social Studies. I'm sure I'll flunk that subject. Well, i don't give a damn on my studies anymore. So what if I failed? Still got another chance. What else? Oh, yeah, Ms Luncheon Meat couldn't stop talking today. I didn't know a pig can be talkative too and she inherited her mouth from Mr Loke. Good then, they can talk for days non stop.

After school, saw Suveer again while walking with Merlya and Lay Peng. We went home together. NO, i mean, he accompanied me. I wonder if he ever feel tired going to Serangoon and go back to his place again. AND i can't believe I saw the woman who lost her keys. I should have hide her keys but since I'm kind-hearted today, I gave it back after giving me a nasty look. Damn it! I felt like poking her eyes with a chopstick.

What else? Hmm, I received hugs today from 6 people in school before and after exam. I got a kiss too on my cheek from my best friend. THAT REALLY SURPRISED ME, dude. Thanks for the hugs, dudes and dudettes.

Last but not least, I didn't know I was just his rebound. Fuck him upside down but man, it hurts getting used by the one you loved truly. I hope you know how it feels. And I wish, someone will come and heal all the pain he had caused and can love me TRULY. Just waiting for that someone.